Starlight
by june7rose
Summary: "I am only a dwarf. But I know this. I would not have you dressed in these old dirty raiments, I would shower you in jewels. Gold, diamonds, sapphires, rubies, and emeralds the size of your fist. I would not make you an expendable soldier, I would make you my wife. I would not call you a poor Silvan elf, I would call you Queen. I'm only a dwarf, but I know that." M for laterchaps
1. Chapter 1

Tauriel POV

"You cannot be her. She's far away. She's far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world. Do you think...could she have loved me?"

My chest constricts. I've been hoping so hard for him to live, I haven't let any other distraction in. The dragon burning the city to the ground over our heads might as well be a child's toy made of papier-mache, waving benevolently above the city on a windy early spring day. I pay it no mind. The whirlwind going on around me has gone unnoticed. It's an elf trait—to concentrate so completely. But now I feel as if that very whirlwind has been knocked out of me.

His dark eyes were glazed over with pain, I could see the world of the dead dancing in them... he was so very near to passing, I was so very near to losing him. Even my Captain and my Prince calling for me could not make me leave, and I have been trained to hear Legolas's voice in a hurricane. But I have confidence in myself, in the athelas. Kingsfoil was a weed, but in the hands of a king, or maybe an elf, it could be so much more. He's alive, and will surely recover...the spirits have faded from his eyes.

Could I have loved him? It could never ever ever be...we are not the same kind. He is a dwarf...elves couldn't even say the word without it dripping with sarcasm. "Dwarf" rolled off the tongue like "garbage." But I have known discrimination myself. Hatred just isn't in my veins. "Silvan elf" rolled off the tongue a lot like "dwarf", at least for the King. Could I have ever loved him? In another life maybe. In another world. And so I stand here lying to myself while everyone stares at me. I stand here, having done the unthinkable and ignored the call of my Captain, my Prince, my friend...I stand here after having healed this dwarf, pretending that maybe I could love him another life. When the truth is my stomach turns over every time he speaks, I forget where I am whenever he looks at me. I love him in this one. But I cannot let it show.

Kili's mouth gapes open, opening and closing like a fish thrown upon land. Now that he is recovering he's embarrassed by his admission.

"I can walk", he snipes at his brother. We have to get out of here. I have to catch up to my Captain. He could be hurt...or worse. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to Legolas. I don't return his feelings, not _those_ feelings but...he's my leader, my prince, my friend...my brother, whether his father likes it or not. I have to catch up. But here I've taken on another responsibility I did not intend. The Bard's children will be burned alive...or killed by the orcs I've been following if they stay and now they are my responsibility along with the three remaining dwarves.

"Down the stairs, let's go!" I bark, and get everyone settled in a low boat. We have to move fast. "Stay down!" The dragon whirls overhead and the world ignites...the smell of burning wood and burning flesh mingle, the world crashes around us in burning hot orange embers. The dwarvish doctor and I use long poles to push the boat forward. We MUST escape this city.

The male child jumps. "Wait!" I scream, but he's gone and jumping fast one boat to another.

"It is too late, we cannot go back", I say. I will brook no nonsense on the matter, not from anyone. Sometimes all you can do is save whom you can.

I look down and meet Kili's eyes briefly, but he glances away. I am treating him, all three of them, like...well, like any elf would, lumping them in with the human children as creatures who are sentient but unable to make their own decisions, who need guidance from the smarter, the stronger.

"Do you know where the river lets out?" I ask the doctor. They do not deserve to be treated like children, but I cannot speak to him right now. I cannot face those warm brown eyes and that faith in their depths that says everything will be all right.

The doctor smiles. "One hundred feet up ahead, we're close now", he answers, and another breath of fire makes conversation impossible. I squeeze my eyes closed and duck, only to feel someone take my hand. In a dark cloud of smoke, right beneath their eyes but beyond their view, he tucks my hand inside his jacket and presses it against his heart. Beat, beat...beat, beat...different from an elf. So warm and comforting and cozy...so many things the Captain of the Guard of the Woodland Realm should not be thinking about. I fight for my King, I protect my people, the end. I'm not supposed to have...womanly desires...I chose a different life. But the way he holds my hand, as if he thinks I might be afraid, as if he wants me to know he's looking after me. It would be funny to every elf I know. But I am touched, even if I don't need looking after. Maybe he knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Maybe he doesn't care.

Kili POV

Her soft small white hand is pressed against my chest, and my stomach flip flops. She's so beautiful. Long and lean, but rounded in all the right places, places my hands ache to touch, with hair the color of the sunset, and eyes the same shade as the leaf cover above her woodland home. But as stunning as she is, what is inside of her is even more rare—she's kind, compassionate, thinks little of herself or her own well-being in saving others, and she's certainly saved me more than once.

From the first moment I saw her, I had to stop her from walking away—talk to her, entertain her, make her laugh, make her stay. "I might have anything down my trousers." When I remember what I said-stupid, offensive even, but it did get her attention. She even smiled a little. "Or nothing." She'd certainly got me back. But it was when we talked about the stars that she lit up as if she'd swallowed a bushel of them. That smile of hers...lit from within. It was when I mentioned the fire moon that she settled in and listened.

Her elven skin so soft and so creamy, so fair, the color of unblemished ivory. My calloused dirty hands are unworthy to touch her, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. Someday I would touch that skin without gloves, someday I would hold her hand against my bare chest and she could feel my heart slamming against my ribs in excitement. Now I could feel her press her hand against it and breathe a little easier. This was not the time for such thoughts. There was no guarantee either of us would survive this war. But mind and heart alike shouted "no!" at the thought of losing her to this grotesque darkness. It would not take her. Arzog could not snuff her out any more than he could snuff out the stars. I would not allow it.


	2. Chapter 2

A spotty rendition of the end of the battle scenes in Battle of the Five Armies, I leave most of it to Peter Jackson, no point rewriting what he created so well. With my own additions and subtractions.

Tauriel POV

The survivors, most wet, hungry, scared, and angry—oh humans, they don't deal well with discomfort—are piled on the beach hoping for a leader, a hero. My natural inclination wants to help, to organize, to take over, but it's not my place. The children were my responsibility, now their father is found—and a dragonslayer to boot—and I'm no longer needed. I feel a hand. And I know immediately it's the person I've been trying to push from my mind.

"Tauriel!"

"Kili, c'mon we're leaving..."

"They're your people, you should go with them," I tell him.

"Come with me! I know how I feel. I'm not afraid. You make me feel alive", he pleads, reaching for me. He talks about his feelings so easily...I would rather face an army of orcs myself than speak as he does. It's so brave, in a way that so few ever acknowledge.

"I cannot."

"Tauriel... Amrâlimê."

"I don't know what that means", I swallow.

"I think you do." His teasing smile breaks into a wide grin.

My love. He called me "my love."

Then I feel him—HIM- at my back, as surely as I feel my own soul. "My Lord Legolas."

"Take your leave of the dwarf", he orders, "You're needed elsewhere." It's inappropriate. That's what's in his tone. He's just a dwarf, and I'm the Captain of the Guard... my focus needs to be elsewhere, but if I want someone, I could have anyone, I could have...him.

I move toward Legolas. I don't have a choice, can't he see? It's not personal, in fact I...want what Kili wants...I want... Kili, but it just can't be. It can never ever ever be. It would be shameful, it would be wrong. He's a dwarf. He's inferior, he's short...my mind can't even form those excuses without laughing in their faces. Yes, he's a dwarf, and handsome, and romantic, and smart, and while we don't see eye to eye, we see eye to lips at any rate. He's quite tall for a dwarf. Tauriel! Stop! It cannot be.

I turn slowly away from him and he sees my choice. My heart shatters at the look on his face. He runs back to me then and puts the rune his mother gave him in the palm of my hand. "Keep it, as a promise."

He leaves me with it, and runs off to join his friends. I can read Legolas's thoughts. He intends to get me back to the Woodland Realm as quickly as possible, and make sure I cannot venture far again. I have taken my final leave of the dwarf.

We're ordered immediately back home. But apparently I am banished. How can I not love Legolas? He would defy his father and his king for me. But he's family to me...he's been like my brother for 600 years...I don't know much about love, but whatever I am supposed to feel, I just don't feel with him. With Kili, I feel...starlight...I feel starlight explode whenever he touches my hand. I don't what that is, but it isn't the same as what I feel for Legolas. Perhaps that's why I don't feel the expected pain and disappointment of banishment. It means I'll see Kili again. Maybe. Please, may the strength of the Valar protect him.

But there isn't time to think, the battle is raging around us. There must be nearly 25,000 of the enemy...and hard steel covered in blood. The elves are falling. Like the leaves of the Woodland Realm, so many immortal lives wasted. But the men and dwarves risk more in my opinion. They have been here such a short time, a painfully short time, and their lives are being cut all the shorter. But Thranduil, my King, will not have it. He will not lose so many immortal lives. He's...leaving.

All thoughts leave my head as I raise my bow. He could rightfully kill me. "You're not leaving", I bellow, rage making my voice carry. "The dwarves..."

"Yes, they will die", he confirms, "In an hour, tomorrow, next week, or in a hundred years. What difference does it make? They will die."

"You think your life is worth so much more than theirs?! When there is no love in your heart? You have NO LOVE."

"An immortal life is worth thousands of theirs. You think you love that dwarf? What do you know of love? What you think you feel is not real!"

Suddenly my bow snaps in half and I feel myself lifted off the ground.

"If you hurt her, you'll have to kill me." I take a deep breath as I feel myself lowered to the ground. Legolas!

"Legolas, the dwarves", I gasp. They'll be killed, I have to try...Kili's eyes flash through my mind. Nothing can happen between us, but that will never change the fact that I love him.

"I'll come with you."

Kili POV

As Thorin's nearest kin, it is our job to defend to our King even more than the other dwarves of Erebor. We'll so happy he has come back to himself, that the dragon-sickness is cured, but now there is nothing but ice and blood. Fili and I are cutting off the head of the snake. And then I hear him scream.

Bolg is dangling him like a rag doll off the side of the mountain, holding him with one hand, a sword at his throat with the other. And our mother was so worried about me. He's so like her, blonde hair, blue eyes, pure common sense. I cannot tell her that her cautious son, her accomplished son, her favorite son, is dead. It's me everyone worries me, it's me who takes chances, it's me no one expected to come back.

"Fili!" I howl. In the distance, I can hear Thorin and Balin screaming his name too.

"So ends the line of Durin", Borg spits out in black speech, and runs my brother through.

"No!" Pain cuts through me sharper than Borg's blade. He can't be gone. Rage rushes in to meet the pain, and I charge up the hill.

"Kili!" I hear Thorin yell and come running after me.

I will kill this orc. I will kill that thing, I don't care how big he is, he will fall for what he's done. I jump on Borg's back, he grabs my leg, and hurls me to the ground. His strength is beyond anything I could have imagined. He throws me around like I could throw a ball. Borg is at least seven and a half feet tall, pure muscle and hatred. I feel like I'm fighting Morgoth himself.

"Stop, no!" I immediately whirl around at the sound of a woman's voice. Her voice.

"No, Tauriel, go!" I scream, but she attacks Borg. Stupid, crazy, what is she thinking? Doesn't she know I couldn't go on without knowing she's in this world? Doesn't she know she's worth so much more than me?

"This is not your concern, She-Elf", Borg spits, and growls in her face, dripping poison spittle. She climbs onto his back, but he whirls her around and points his enormous stake at her chest. With the last of my strength, I hurl myself onto him, and he drops her. He holds his stake above my chest. I won't watch. Time. I wanted time. I wanted time with her. My eyes don't move from hers, his face isn't the last thing I want to see, it's hers.

"I love you", she calls. I swallow and pat my heart. I know, my beauty, I know. It would have been...a dream in starlight.

"Legolas, help!" she screams, only a moment goes by, and an arrow zips into one of Borg's eyes. He drops me.

"Tauriel!" I shout and crawl to her across the icy mountain. "Get out of here! Go! Don't you know? Don't you know how much I love you?"

With a thud Legolas lands on Borg's shoulders, and shoots an arrow into the top of his head. Borg grabs Legolas, and throws him.

"Together", Tauriel says. Legolas shoots an arrow at the same time as Tauriel, and I charge forward and push my sword deep into his gut. He moans and swipes and tries to grab one of us, but falls, then crashes down the mountain, taking part of it with him.

"Tauriel!" I run and take her into my arms. Let the elf stare, let him hate me. I couldn't care less.

Tauriel POV

Legolas is staring holes into the back of Kili. I'm forced to push him away. He breaks into that wide grin.

"She loves me", he says to Legolas, who rolls his eyes.

"Come, Tauriel...you're needed with your own people..." Legolas pronounces

"Kili!" It's Balin. "Thorin needs help!"

Kili POV

Hours later

The dwarves are gathered on the ice, staring down at our fallen leader. Bilbo the Hobbit is in tears.

"Thorin Oakenshield will pass into legend", Balin says, wiping away a tear.

"We will never see his like again", Bofur adds.

"But we will see another King. Our people will see tomorrow. The sun will rise", Balin says. He takes my hand and holds it high. I try to pull myself from his grasp, but he's stronger than the old dwarf looks.

"The King is dead. Long live the King."


	3. Chapter 3

Kili POV

"No! No...no", I repeat. "Thorin is a King. My brother was kingly material. I am...not. No, no, no..."

"Don't make a fool of yourself, laddie", Balin advises, "After Thorin's death, the honor fell to Fili, who died before Thorin, thus skipping his sons if he had any, which he did not anyway, the honor now falls to you. You are Thorin's nephew, and next of kin. This isn't a debate."

"Balin...I'm too young!"

Balin guffaws at me. "Hate to break it to you, laddie, but you're not that young anymore."

"I'm too irresponsible..."

"Now you have something there. But many kings began the same. You must improve your temperament. If you refuse, we will have to go outside your family...and the line of Durin will be broken forever...and it is wrong to hold this conversation over our King's body," Balin says.

I squeeze my eyes closed. I don't want this. I want to be free. I want to have fun, and do as I like. This honor was never meant to come to me. But I will not allow Erebor to fall, or my family to fail. You could hear a pin drop.

"Kili, you must", Bofur adds for good measure. "Though I agree he is not ready."

"He will be", Balin says with a confidence no one else feels.

"I have every faith in you, Kili", Bilbo adds, wiping away a tear. "After all, if a Hobbit who thinks of nothing but a simple life of food and stories and friends can leave his arm chair and books, and help kill a dragon, a n'ever do well like you can easily become a King." Silence.

There's nothing left to say.

Tauriel POV

"I've spoken with the king", Legolas starts. "I've told him I cannot return. We...don't see eye to eye. But I would, I will, if only..." He stops. "You love him. The dwarf."

It's not a question. "Yes."

"It cannot be..."

"I know that. It's not just my people who would never accept him, his people would never accept me", I say.

"I'm glad you see that. He's King now. The divide between you is even deeper", he adds.

I can't help but smile. King. My silly, handsome, Kili, king. Legolas seems temporarily stunned. He smiles back. "That look on your face. What I wouldn't give for you to look that way while thinking of me."

"Legolas...you're my friend, my Captain, my Prince..."

"Ugh", he moans, "stop, stop, stop..." I'm making it worse.

"I know you care for him", he adds, "But my understanding of his reputation is that he's a notorious flirt..."

I didn't know that.

"He falls in love easily, and out, just as easily", he adds, "And his people are never going to see you as...Queen under the Mountain."

"Legolas..." I hold up my hand. He can dash dreams in seconds with a frigid splash of reality.

"Come back with me, come home, and I'll come home too. If you won't I'm going off to meet this man...some kind of ranger in the north. Where will you go if not home?" he asks.

"Maybe Lothlorien", I answer. "I need to...forget. And the Lady is merciful."

"She is. But she has little time for silliness", he adds. Legolas still has an edge of sharpness for me. He cares about me deeply, he loves me, but I doubt he'll ever forgive me for not choosing him.

"It's not silly to fall in love", I gently correct.

"Tauriel, why? Why do you love him? He's a dwarf, he's not worthy of you...he's, well he's a dwarf for goodness sakes!"

"I know", I smile, "And believe me, he knows. He...is brave and kind and handsome and smart and very funny, and I don't know, I'm drawn to him. His personality most of all."

"Handsome? A dwarf?!" he asks in disbelief.

"He is, be honest", I say. He makes a sound like "harrumph" but doesn't argue.

"Tauriel, he doesn't clear your nose", he says, rolling his eyes.

"He does! He'll tall for a dwarf!" I correct.

"For a dwarf, always a disclaimer for our little friends", he says. Time for another tact.

"Of course if there's anything you would know about, it's being attractive", I say, then blush bright, realizing what I just said to my Prince.

"Stop!" he commands again. "You throwing me these bones is making it worse. I came in second. To a dwarf."

And then we both laugh. "Perhaps we can travel a little way together", I suggest.

"I don't think that's a very good idea", he answers. I suppose I didn't know how much he really cares until this moment.

"Will you see him again before you go?" he asks.

"I owe him a proper good-bye, and a congratulations on his new station in life", I answer.

He sighs. "He will try to convince you to stay. I don't know if you'll be strong enough to refuse. But you must be. You must let him find a proper wife."

I'm glad we won't be traveling together. I couldn't bear a thousand miles of hearing him tell me how hopeless it all was.

"I will be", I say, "The only thing worse than leaving him would be trying to make a life together and failing. The only thing worse than loving him is loving him more, then losing him."

Kili POV

"I'm not an idiot, Balin, I understand." He's exhausting me. Of course I pass food to the diplomat first. But there is no diplomat. Not yet, not now, not from anywhere, the damn war just ended.

"Could have fooled me", Balin answers. "Introduce yourself...again...try it again."

I roll my eyes. I hate this. "I will do what you ask, but not only that. I will have a life", I answer, "I need to find..."

"I know of the elf maiden", he says, and I feel immediately nervous. "It cannot be, laddie. You need a good dwarf wife, one who knows and understands our people, and who our people will accept. Many hate elves."

"They will have to get over their discrimination, Balin. Tauriel is non-negotiable..."

"Perhaps you could make such pronouncements when you were free", he says, "But you are not anymore. You are a King, and by god you will act like one."

The next day, she arrives. SHE arrives, but the blond princeling is in tow.

"Tauriel!" I want to run to her, but...I'm King now.

"We've come to congratulate you", she says with a fake smile. "We know you will do well." I stop in my tracks. She's different. She has not come here to be with me.

"Can I speak to you alone?" I ask immediately, trying and failing to keep the shaking out of my voice.

"I don't think that's a very good idea..."

"Tauriel..."

"Here..." She holds out her hand and all my hopes and dreams are dashed. My stomach turns over. I'm going to be sick. "Your rune. Take it", she adds, when I hesitate.

"Keep it, it was a gift. A promise" I say.

"Take it!", she insists and I finally do.

"Tauriel, what is this? We love each other." She squeezes her eyes closed, I swear she'd cover her ears like a child if she could. She doesn't want to hear it.

"Don't make it harder for her", Legolas says.

"Your people would never accept me", she says.

"I'm King, they'll accept who I tell them to accept..."

She hesitates. "I have to go..."

"Back to the Woodland Realm? To a king who degrades you? To a suitor you don't really love?" I stare at Legolas, and I feel the elf losing his patience. Good.

"Yes", she say, "Legolas is my choice. He's my kind. And I do love him. I was...intrigued by you, but you're not my kind...you never could be." Ouch, oh Valinor, that hurts. No, no, no...how? Tauriel...

I didn't know this could hurt so much.

"Well then I wish you well, Tauriel", I choke out.

"Good-bye and good luck, I know you'll make an excellent king", she says, turning on her heel. She's leaving fast, and I know she's hiding tears. She's trying to get away from me before I can stop her.

"Everything we said to each other...I don't believe you..." I call to her.

"Leave her be", Legolas orders and forces me to step back.

"No. I love you, tell me you don't love me..." I insist.

She turns to face me, but she can't hide her tears. "I don't love you."

"Tauriel!" I call, "Tauriel!" But she's gone. Legolas sends what he thinks is a menacing stare at me and follows her.

"For the best, laddie", Bail offers, and touches my shoulder. I shake him off.

In the days to come, we start to organize our home and say good-bye to our burglar. There is much to do. Bury our dead. Find food and water stores, and beer of course, these dwarves can barely go a day without it.

"If you're ever in the Shire...", Bilbo says with a smile, "Don't bother to knock."

"We lose you as we lose our elven friends", Bombur says recklessly and gets a dirty look from Balin. "Back home."

"Yes back home", Bilbo says, "for me. Who knows what those elves are up to."

"Back to the Woodland Realm no doubt", Bombur add again.

"Oh no", Bilbo says and my head snaps around. "Legolas headed north, and the elf maid Tauriel went west, in my direction...neither of them seemed headed to the Woodland Realm."

Tauriel POV

I'm bone tired when the elves detect me on the edge of the woods. The trees, which were thick and green, now have leaves in a rainbow of colors—red, yellow, purplish, they all blend together. Magic lives here.

I hear a series of bows being pulled taught before I see anyone. "I am Tauriel, Silvan elf of the Woodland Realm, and I've come to see...", I start.

"Finally." I look up into blue eyes so warm, so kind, so pure, so...old, so knowing. She speaks again. "A problem I can solve. Welcome to Lothlorien, Tauriel, daughter of Torin." Galadriel smiles at me. "Haldir will take you for refreshment for you are weak and tired."

With that, I'm dismissed. A blonde elf appears and leads me up a staircase of beautiful carved ivory wood that shimmers and seems to blink in and out of existence. I'm seated at a table, and served a light repast of grilled fowl, plenty of salad and vegetables, and cool, sweet, spring water. I'm trying to remain on guard, but it's virtually impossible. Maybe there was something in the water, but it's difficult not to relax here.

"Tauriel, why are you here?", the Lady asks. I did not see her approaching.

"I thought you knew", I answer.

She smiles. "I do. But I would hear why you think you're here", she replies.

Riddles. "I am here really...for a job. I had a falling out with my King, Thranduil of the Woodland Realm as you know. I am banished."

"And yet he would take you back with a word", she corrects, "Normally I would not accept an elf for such a reason, but would encourage you to return to your King and your home. Part of growing up, Tauriel, is knowing that your own will cannot always prevail. And part of it is recognizing what you want, but we will not speak of that now."

"Growing up, my lady? I am 600 years old", I object.

"And I am around 30,000, among the first elves ever created by the Father Iluvater. Even I don't fully recall...and I still don't feel fully grown sometimes. So you are here for a job." She cannot keep the skepticism out of her voice.

"Yes."

"I'm happy to make you a member of my personal guard. See Haldir for your assignment. When you're not working, I want you to...explore, relax. Let things come to you...and perhaps you will find the answers to your questions", she says.

"But..." She's gone. Disappeared in a moment. Haldir appears in her wake. "Your position starts with the next shift change", he says, "The Lady has advised me not to let you wait around and think too much right now."

"I am a warrior and have been Captain of the Guard of the Woodland Realm for many years, I helped defeat the dread dragon Smaug..." I begin.

"Yes, yes, you will find this is not the Woodland Realm", he dismisses, "Come with me."

ONE YEAR LATER

If there was ever grass that was not soft as a pillow, I have forgotten its existence. Most everyone walks barefoot here to fully enjoy it. Most other creatures know the elves as thinkers, but not as the hedonists we sometimes are.

When I'm not working, every day I venture further from the central system of glowing trees that make up Galadriel's home and quarters. On the opposite edge of the wood, near the borders of Lothlorien, I found a pool of water, so crisp and clean it has no equal. Near it is a scrying pool, a tool of the Lady no doubt. Today I look into it briefly, but of course it has no water.

"Curious?"

"My Lady, I apologize, I had not meant to overstep my bounds", I say, bowing my head.

"Curiosity is not a crime. And as it happens I have been waiting some time for you to come across this pool yourself. It would not happen until you were ready", Galadriel says.

"Why?" I ask. There are things I have no desire to see.

She walks to the pool and scoops up water into a large silver pitcher, then pours it over her mirror in the scrying pool.

"Look", she orders, and I can only do as she instructs.

At first I see only my own face, then I fade. _Then I return...but older, much older. I walk into a little hut...there is one small bed, a small chair, a small amount of food, everything for one person who no longer desires much. I have not found a mate. "Another day", the phantom me says, then begins to weep._

"I don't want to see this!" I shout.

Then the picture changes. _Inside a mountain, the picture rushes to a great hall before a roaring fire. It is Kili! With gray hair. "I never said I loved you." The speaker is a dwarf, a woman. "I married you because they all insisted. You needed a proper wife, I lost my fiancé in the form of your brother, I was the perfect choice... and now I hear you've been with others..."_

 _"_ _Do not accuse me!" Kili shouts. "I strayed long after you did, Logia. You are my wife and the Queen of Erebor, what you have done is treason."_

 _"_ _I hate you Kili, do you hear me? You're not your brother, and you never will be", she accuses, "It was you who should have died that day, you are the inferior link in the chain of Durin..."_

 _"_ _Is that why you have given me no child?", he spits._

 _"_ _Do not speak to me of children. I would not pass on your blood", she cries._

 _"_ _I never loved you either", he confesses._

 _"_ _Oh yes the elf bitch, please don't say her name again", Logia answers, "That was a lifetime ago. I'm sure she's happy with someone of her own kind, she judged you just as inferior as I do. Your line has become muddy."_

 _"_ _And now our line may end because of you! When you cheated on me, did it have to be with an Iron Hills dwarf?! We are at war with our own kin and will be destroyed! Could you not have whored elsewhere?" he growls._

 _"_ _Bastard!" she smacks him. "I'll see your death at his hands for that. The line of Durin has worn thin enough to snap. You were never King material." He's frozen. He has always felt the same way._

I close my eyes and jump back. I will see no more.

"You think that by denying yourself what you desire, you hurt only yourself", Galadriel says, "But that is not the case. An entire line may fail. Everyone thinks you are not with Kili the dwarf because he is beneath you, because you judge him inferior, he is not good enough for you, but it is yourself whom you judge not good enough for him, is it not? It is yourself you judge."

I burst into tears. She has this way about her, the Lady, she sees into your soul.

"It is a strange arrangement to be sure", she says, "Inter species relationships are never suggested. Occasionally they can work between elves and men, being both children of Iluvater, but most of the time, it ends in grief. I know you know the story of Luthien and Beren. Tragedy follows most such arrangements. And you must be aware that you are immortal and he is not, you would grieve for him until the end of time. And if you had children, you would grieve for son and your son's sons."

Tears are pouring down my face.

I feel her hand on my shoulder. "I said it would be difficult, not impossible."

"Do you advise me to take this course?" I ask. He may be married by now, he may not even be interested.

"I do not", she says, and my shoulders sag. "But the look on your face right now is your answer. In truth you do not care for my advice. I think you will both be unhappy if you are apart, and you my dear girl, will be unhappy until the end of the world. Some things are worth the risk." She breaks into a beautiful smile. "You need only judge which grief will be worse. To be alone forever wondering 'what if', or to love him and lose him."

"And Kili?", I ask, "Which is better for him?"

"Oh that is easier, my dear he would be happiest with you for as long as he lives. The other dwarves' discomfort with you will mean little to him. I'm afraid his heart is no longer his own...it resides in your hand, Tauriel. The choice is yours."


	4. Chapter 4

Kili POV

They seem happy. They should be, Erebor is returning to its former glory. Every inch has been cleaned out and made habitable, a duty I luckily avoided due to my new station in life. Normally I would have avoided it by disappearing when the time came for work. King. It's still unreal to me. Black boot thrown over the edge of my leather armchair, in front of a roaring fire in the great hall, I gulp another mouthful of fine apple ale. I drink too much now, or so Balin is endlessly commenting.

"Tis a fine day!" Nori announces, puffing on his pipe. I'm sure it seems so. But honestly—how would we know? My acquaintance with...the elves...I cannot say her name even in my head, has changed my views. How would we know if it was pleasant or if it was raining by the gallon? If the sun were warm and it was 80 degrees or if there was a thin layer of snow, or if lightning split the heavens? We live in a cave, in a hole. Far, far from the bright sun, far from the bright stars...

"Daydreaming again?" Nori asks. "Tis unnatural for a dwarf."

"Not for that dwarf", Dwalin drawls in his Iron Hills accent as he walks by, "Look at that nose, look at that face. The nose of his brother and his uncle, he has the looks of the line of Durin. Handsome and good with a bow. He's half elf as it is."

The party erupts into laughter.

"I'm not an elf", I bark, "I don't make promises and break them." Uncomfortable silence. Great.

"Laddie, you're not still on about that elf maid are you?" Balin asks, "I told you and told you, it cannot be. She's just smarter to have seen it before you."

"Enough", I moan, head in my hands. I cannot hear more of it.

"Logia will be here to visit with the next moon", Balin reminds me, "Your brother's fiancé, now she has no one. She's of an age and a mind to marry, as are you, lad, you must give her a fair chance."

"I have no desire to rush it", I say, "Dwarves mate for life."

Balin sighs. "You're just being difficult! She was good enough for your elder brother..."

Superior brother, he means.

"She was good enough for Fili and not for you? When we arrived, the line of Durin was secure. Thorin was young and healthy, and we had every reason to believe he would have many sons, and if he didn't, he had two healthy nephews to take his place. You have no such assurance. You have no heir at all. You must get to the business of making some."

"Leave the lad be", Dwalin says, surprising me. "Logia was never going to win any awards for her face and figure."

"She comes from the finest of families, thrown out of their home in Moria..." Balin objects.

"What is a fine family compared to green eyes and long legs? His last lass was 5'7, you can't expect him to settle for 4'7." Another round of guffawing.

I get up and leave.

"Oh come back...touchy," carries after me.

Tauriel POV

"Have you come to a decision on the dwarf?", Galadriel ponders.

"I have. I can't do it, my Lady, I can't. It would kill me to love him and lose him." Perhaps it's shameful. "Or rather I would wish it would kill me."

Galadriel sighs. "You must never say such things. But I understand that kind of love. I lost my daughter you know. I have not been the same since. But I hope if you will not accept Kili, you will leave your heart open to someone else."

"I hope to live my life here, by your side..."

"As you know, the elves are leaving these shores and going to Valinor, our lives have been quite long enough. At some point, you will have to decide my dear- between this world and the next. Between coming with me, and sticking it out in Middle-Earth. At some point your decision will be final. Make sure you don't regret it." I involuntarily shudder. Galadriel looks sad and knowing, but says nothing.

Kili POV

I bend and kiss her hand. It's hairier than mine. But as Dwalin joked, I'm half elf as it is. Her fingers are loaded with rings, and her neck with gems. Her family has held onto its wealth and she has the dwarf admiration for shiny objects. We have only spent enough gold to make our home look as it did, and I have yet to even touch it myself. I want nothing to do with that gold.

"Logia, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and to have you here in Erebor, we hope you'll enjoy your stay", I remember to say, and she blushes prettily.

Balin clears his throat. "And of course we hope your stay will prove permanent."

"Kili never did know what to say, even as a child...", she jokes, "But it's nice to see all of you again, I just wish it were under better circumstances."

"We're terribly sorry for your loss", Balin adds, "There is no replacement for your beloved Fili."

No replacement indeed. She looks me up and down. "No longer starving dwarves on the run I see."

I fall into a coughing fit.

"We're dwarves, what did you expect my lady?" Dwalin laughs, "I've a good dark lager for ye if you're interested, and a white cheddar for the salted pretzels."

"I'm interested", she says with a smile and takes his arm. I would never have imagined the likes of Dwalin as my savior.

Over a dinner of pork, she launches into her tale. "Our family was driven from Moria", she exclaims, as if it happened to her and not her ancestors, "My father intends to take it back, and I would know what dwarves will join us."

"We're all of Erebor", Bifur says, dismayed, "Erebor is our birthright, I doubt you'll find many up for the journey. It's just become a fit place to live, we've worked hard..."

"Yes, Bifur, but some like Oin", Balin stops him, "His kin especially have a close link to Moria, far closer than Thorin's line...some of you may change your mind."

"Indeed", Oin adds, "My kin are closely tied to Moria, and I for one would make my home in the west, in the Misty Mountains if I could."

Logia smiles and lifts her glass.

"The dwarfess who would become my wife needs to live here with me, I cannot leave Erebor as its king", I point out.

"Of course I would be content to make my home here as Queen", she says quickly, "If I knew others had recovered my family's stronghold, and were living safely there. Besides...I presume my husband-to-be would want to be active in the recovery of my homeland, as my family would be his."

"Of course of course", Balin answers for me, and I glare at him. I just took one mountain, now I have to take another?

"Orcs, goblins, they defile our homeland", she adds. I've seen enough orcs and goblins and trolls...and elves for that matter, to last a lifetime. The price of marrying Logia keeps going up. Now I have to go to war again. Balin seems able to read my mind.

"Well I would imagine your entire family will be involved in this, there will be plenty of help", Balin adds.

"Oh yes", she says, "Plenty, hundreds of dwarves..."

Balin smiles happily. "We can play a secondary role."

"When were you needing this extra help?" I ask.

"I was hoping I could convince you to return with me now", she says, taking a gulp of the apple ale.

Balin just looks at me. This is there another option? The truth is that without...her... nothing matters, I do have to marry, and I do have to have heirs to carry on my line. Does it really matter who I marry? Maybe I'll get lucky and some orc will clock me over the head, and that will be the end of me.

"We must hold a meeting this evening to discuss this important business", I say.

"I'd be happy to fill you in..." she begins.

"In private", I interrupt.

"But she knows her needs better than anyone", Balin offers.

"Your King said in private", I repeat and Balin jumps, "It is up to individual dwarves to decide if they wish to leave, I will countenance no pressuring of any kind, no matter what line they are from. This will be hard work, and we just reclaimed one homeland, a trial and tragedy none of us are soon to forget or want to repeat. No one will be forced out of Erebor, whomever they are." Amazingly, no one argues.

That evening we are gathered together in our armchairs before the fire, ale flowing in abundance, fried sausages being passed around with mustard.

I stand up. "Every dwarf here in Erebor must make a decision for himself, just for himself, about going with Logia and retaking Moria. There are family ties involved which cannot be ignored, but if you leave Erebor, you do this as an individual, not as a group. Do what's best for you, and don't allow yourself to be influenced. This task may be even harder than taking Erebor from Smaug..."

Shoulders droop and moans go up. No one is excited about this idea.

"Oin, Gloin, Nori, Ori, and Dori have a link to the original dwarves from Moria. It is their homeland. Under no circumstances does that mean you're required to go. But you can if you choose, and even if it's not your homeland, you can go if you choose", I say.

"Done laddie?" Balin says, bold as brass.

"Yes, Balin." I sit down.

"What Kili says is correct", Balin starts, "But blood is more important to these dwarves than our young king is acknowledging...they are also a good deal older than you lad and dinna need the simplest things explained."

"Aye, it is important", Nori says, "I will go to Moria though I do not relish the task of taking another mountain, it is my home."

"I'll go", Ori offers quiet, "My place is with Nori."

"And mine", Dori adds.

"I willna", Gloin says, "I left behind a wife and young lad to come here, I will seek them before making any more decisions."

"You surprise me!" Oin spits.

"I dinna know why I should...I left behind my wife and laddie..."

"You don't have to decide now", Balin says.

"But soon", I correct, "I get the feeling Logia will want to leave with all haste."

"I get the feeling Logia's in charge", Dwalin drawls.

"Enough", I comment, but it sounds pitiful to my own ears. "Decide in the next couple of days. I'll go with you of course to take back Moria, as Logia's presumed bride-groom, but won't be staying."

"Could be years, lad", Dwalin says.

"Don't remind me."

The dwarves who want to go are eager and packed quickly. They've learned to pack light and move quickly, skills that may never fade.

A ram has been obtained for Logia to ride upon. As we leave the mountain, I look back. I don't want to go. I gave everything for this place, literally everything except my own life which feels less valuable by the day. I lost my brother, I lost my king, I lost my love. I don't want leave here, the cost for its purchase has been too dear.

"Coming, Kili?" Logia calls. I follow.

We make our way through the wilderness at a much slower pace than we planned. Our exalted female guest must erect a large tent with a full bed every night, and insists we don't travel in the dark. We cook over a fire every night, but Logia's food runs out fast, and we eat the salted pork we brought along. A month passes and the weather begins to turn. We have not come far enough.

"We will never make Moria at this rate", Dwalin complains, "We are still weeks out. Our food will run out before we reach it."

"We didn't pack well", Balin says.

"If it were only men we packed well enough", Dwalin says, rolling his eyes.

"We must stop and ask for help", Balin says.

"No, we'll be okay, we'll fast", I say.

"Have you lost your mind, laddie?" he asks.

There's only one place to stop between here and Moria, and I do not care to see anymore elves.

"I thought you said we hated them, Balin", I offer.

"We're allies now. An ally is different from having one in your own house", he says back.

"I'm sorry", he adds when he sees the look in my face, "But it was all for the best, in fact, there was no choice to make..."

"Balin!"

"I'll stop", he says. "We make for Lothlorien!" he calls out, loudly.

Tauriel POV

"A party approaches from the east!" Haldir shouts.

I pick up my bow and five of us race to the eastern border of the wood. It has been quiet for so long. No trespassers save rabbits and foxes.

Haldir rolls his eyes when I look at him. No reason to fear then.

"What do you want, dwarves of Erebor?" he asks, and they nearly all jump, thinking they were being stealthy. "Winning back your home for you was not enough?"

"We are ever grateful for the help of our elf allies", Balin says diplomatically, "We seek only minor provisions and we will be on our way."

"Come and rest for you are weary." Everyone stands up straight when we hear her voice. There is nothing that happens here that is a secret from the Lady.

The dwarves of Erebor? My stomach fips. He stayed there, he must have stayed there, he's king. He can't be here. This can't be happening. What do they want? Can't they leave me alone? I was just, just starting to find peace.

"We have no wish to stay and intrude upon your generosity", Balin says, "If you can provide us with minor provisions, we would be grateful, if you cannot, we will be on our way."

That white haired dwarf seemes to think he can give directives to Galadriel. If she asks you to stay, it is not a suggestion. "I would speak with your King", is all she says, "Is he with you?" She already knows.

"I'd be happy to speak with you", Logia offers, coming forward.

Galadriel doesn't say a word. She rarely gives orders twice.

"I'm here", rings out in a clear masculine voice, a deep voice for a dwarf, one I remember by heart. I squeeze my eyes closed. Then pop them open.

He's staring, but not at the majesty that is Galadriel. He's staring at me. He's the same, oh Valinor, he's the same. Dark hair, bangs still hanging messily on his forehead, eyes so dark they're nearly black, scruffy unshaven face, handsome as ever. And yet different. He gained some weight, but then again he's no longer marching and starving all day. But far more important he's...tired, frustrated, he compromises now and he does not like it. He's grown up to become their king and the crown rests heavy.

"I did not know...I mean to say...I thought that you were in the Woodland Realm, would be married to Legolas by now...", he starts. He can't keep the shocked look off his face.

"You are speaking to Galadriel! The Lady has spoken to you!" Balin insists.

"Forgive me", he corrects, "Lady of Lorien, it is honored we are that have come...to meet us..."

Galadriel smiles indulgently. "Never apologize for being distracted by your heart", she says. "For now, come with us and have some refreshment...Tauriel..."

I'm lost.

"Tauriel...", she repeats, "Go to the kitchens and order a light repast..."

I turn and run. She knew I needed to be anywhere but there.

I return as slowly as I can, with several elves laden with trays of food and drink. Not that the dwarves are going to want the salad and vegetables.

"We have been discussing their desire to take back their homeland of Moria", Galadriel says, as I return.

"How many homelands do they have?" Haldir sneers.

"I will be providing provisions for the party, as well as a small party of elves to assist", she adds, "Haldir will lead the party..." She hates sarcasm, he should have known better. "Bethen, Ildir, and Tauriel will also accompany them."

My mouth falls open. "My Lady, I..."

"I have spoken", she says, "This party is comprised of my best warriors and will accompany the dwarves to Moria."

"Thank you, my Lady", Balin offers. He's learning not to argue. The Lady always has more than one reason for doing what she does.

The room has disappeared though. Kili and I are locked in a gaze no one else is party to. Besides Galadriel of course. She has betrayed me. But I know she does not have a malicious bone in her body, she's pure light. She thinks she's helping...

"When do we leave?", Kili asks, not breaking my gaze.

Logia has noticed and is frowning.

"With the dawn", Galadriel offers, "Stores and supplies will be packed and ready for you by then. Take my blessing with you. May you recover your homeland. And maybe find more along the way."


	5. Chapter 5

Tauriel POV

We cover 15 miles the first day, and about 12 each day thereafter, not bad for dwarves. Logia is holding us up with her tents and her ram and her constant demands, but there's nothing to be done about it, except leave her behind which would be the everyone's first choice, all except for Balin who tries hard to please her. Everyone is in a hurry though, I think they believe if they move fast enough and are distracted enough, we'll all be too busy for the confrontation everyone seems to be expecting. But I desperately don't want a confrontation with Kili. He's moved on, just as he should have, no matter how bad it hurts. I wanted this, I have to remember that, I wanted this, it's what's best for him.

I can feel waves of emotion radiating off him. He looks at me, he looks away, he moves to the front of the line and then to the back so he can't see me, then he walks toward me like he's decided to have it out, then changes his mind. Mostly he stares and growls.

I try hard to be absent as much as possible. I always offer to go get water, to scout ahead...days go by and I manage to avoid him.

When we stop for the evening at the end of the week, I start getting out the elven bread—a dish no dwarf is fond of, they wanted pork and BBQ meats and tankards of ale- but it leaves us all with a full stomach. His voice. "Did you think we were going to walk all the way to Moria without you explaining yourself?"

I smile tightly and look behind me. "We can talk if you wish", I say, only to be interrupted by Logia.

"Kili...can you help me get my tent up?" she asks.

He nods and follows her. Thank goodness, I can't do this, I can't go through this with him. It's done. He gets her seated and dinner on the plate. "I have a spot beside me..." she starts.

"One minute, Logia", he says, and walks away while her mouth hangs open and she frowns after him.

I look up, and he's back, he stands in front of me, frowning, and shrugs his shoulders. "Go on, tell me why you're not in the Woodland Realm."

"Your fiancé is looking for you", Balin hisses as he walks by.

"And she can go on looking. Tauriel?" Kili asks.

"I left Erebor because I had to...Legolas is my friend, my Captain, my Prince, but nothing more. You knew long ago there was nothing more between us", I say, turning from him. "You said so yourself."

"Actually I don't know that, you said you loved him. That I would never compare to him..."

I squeeze my eyes closed, but keep my back turned.

"Tauriel...SPEAK TO ME..." He grabs my arm, and a bolt of light seems to pass through us both. He immediately lets go.

"It cannot be", I say. "I had to get away. I don't love Legolas, I went to Lothlorien for a new life", I say. "My life revolves around Galadriel and her teachings now."

"You left Erebor...you left ME you mean, you left me, Tauriel...you said you didn't love me", he insists.

"I said what I had to say..."

"Turn around and look at me!" he yells, and I can hear tears he won't shed. I'm losing the battle not to cry faster than he is.

I turn. "Kili...we cannot be together...I said what I had to say to get away...I have a new life now and you must leave me alone."

His shoulders drop. "So you lied to me in addition to breaking my heart", he says. "Well, don't worry, I very much intend to leave you alone."

He marches off and back to Logia, and there he pulls her into a kiss. She beams, then he sits downs and tries to pull her onto his lap, but she gives him a light slap, giggling. They kiss, and he makes over her the way she wishes he always would.

"A performance for your benefit, as I'm sure you know." I turn to see Dwalin. I must look devastated because he adds, "You broke his heart, lass."

"I know", I say, "If it makes you feel better, I broke my own too. And this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know if I can stand this."

"Why would that make me feel better, lass? At the time I agreed that you couldn't be together, and it was best that you left, but now...I'm not so sure. That's no queen I want", he nods toward the giggling Logia, "And if we force him to be miserable all his life, he's going to become no king I'd want." He walks away.

I can't eat. I march away to my own tent, but catch a glimpse of Kili watching me go.

After a sleepless night, we prepare to march on Moria and whatever we find there. A large lake sits quietly in front of a hidden door. But I can sense something beneath the surface, as I can feel what is the beneath the surface of almost everything and everyone. My time with Galadriel is paying off, I'm learning much, but this isn't the time to dwell on that.

"Welcome to my home, dwarves of Erebor!" Logia announces, "Erebor it is not, we do not dig for gold here, but for mithril, light as feather, hard as dragon scales...a superior metal in every way. I can provide a tour based on information my father gave me..."

"The Lady Logia forgets we are quite as familiar with Moria as she", Dwalin drawls, "That our King Throar died here, his son Thrain disappeared, and his grandson our King Thorin took his place as Prince. Balin nearly died here as well thanks to Azog the Defiler."

"My bridegroom has never been here...", she says.

"Nay, he hasn't, and neither have ye, neither of ye were born yet", Dwalin dismisses and walks up to the door, "Speak friend and enter."

"Mellon", Balin supplies and the doors creak open. Cheers go up. He walks inside.

"Home!" Logia cries.

"Where are these hundreds of dwarves from your family we were promised?" Dwalin asks.

"On their way", she protests.

"On their way", Dwalin whispers, "I have heard the likes of that before."

"It's going to take a while to get all the tools and supplies in", Dori says, "We need to start making trips..." They chatter to each other, and I try hard to tune them out and sense the water.

"We do not have a while", I whisper.

I have been watching the small, low waves in the great lake. There is a Watcher in the water, or so they say, a creature that watches, or guards, the door according to Galadriel. She counseled caution. I can't imagine what sort of creature it might be. I presumed such stories were myth. But a shadow and a threat is growing in my mind...

"Don't panic, lass, we've finally arrived", Dwalin suggests.

"I wish my brother were here to see this", Oin announces, being clapped on the back.

"He misses his wife and little Gimli", Dori offers.

"They could have joined us", Oin argues. He pulls out a flask and knocks back a gulp. "This is for Gloin!" The louder they are, the more interested the thing beneath the waves becomes.

"Start with the rope and some buckets of water", Nori advises.

"I said we have no time", I say louder, staring into the water.

"What do you see, Miss Tauriel?" young, shy Ori asks.

"Nothing yet."

"Typical elf", Oin says, rolling his eyes, "There's either something there or there isn't, but she says 'nothing yet'."

Kili is watching me intently. "I think she may be right...everyone inside..."

"Everyone inside", I second.

"I don't take orders from an elf maid without good reason", Dori says.

"Tauriel has proven her mettle many times over", Dwalin says.

"What's the hold up?!" Balin yells, sticking his head back out the door, "I was expecting you to follow me with the supplies!"

"The elfess is scaring our men over nothing", Logia finally speaks up. The other elves start to defend me, but I hold up a hand. They all start bickering.

"Quiet!" I yell, "Get inside."

Suddenly black tentacles shoot out of the water! A squid. And with tentacles that size, it's enormous.

"Run!" I scream.

I lift my bow and fire, hitting a tentacle but doing virtually no damage. The other elves fire, missing, as the arrows disappear into the black water below.

"What?" Oin asks, holding his hearing-horn to his ear. Just then one of the tentacles wraps around his ankle and he's flung high into the air, caught by another tentacle.

"Oin!" Kili yells. He jumps into the water and begins hacking at a tentacle.

"Hit the tentacle that's holding him!" I shout to the elves. They land several arrows, but it throws him the air and catches him again in another one.

The squid opens its giant mouth. Screams go up.

"Get Logia inside!" Kili orders Balin, but it's already done. Balin tries to come back out to help. "No! Stay Balin!" Kili orders, "Don't risk yourself."

Ori tries to join the fight, but Dwalin pushes him back.

"He's my kin!" Ori objects.

"Stay back, lad, we'll take care of this", Dwalin orders, wading into the water, hacking away at the beast.

The Watcher tosses Oin into the air one final time as the dwarf screams. Oin falls into his tooth-lined mouth, which closes around him.

"No!"

"Oin!"

It gulps and reaches out with its tentacles. I shoot an arrow into its broken tentacle, which snaps off, it's angry...and I feel thick wetness wrap around my ankle. I'm immediately flung 100 feet into the air, throw by one tentacle, and caught by another.

"No!" I hear. I know that voice.

"Stay back", Haldir screams, "We'll take care of this!"

"Kill it", Ildir panics.

The dwarves are lost in terror and grief, watching dumbfounded.

Bethen wades deep into the water. "No, go back", I insist, but know they can't hear me, and that he probably wouldn't obey me even if he could.

He fires an arrow...and is grabbed by another tentacle, thrown into the air, and lands in its mouth with a gulp.

"Bethen!" Haldir shouts. "No!"

There is grunting and yelling. "Drop her, drop her, let her go!" Kili hacks and hacks and hacks...

"Get back...dwarf, you have cost us one immortal life already", Haldir hisses.

"Never", Kili yells.

"Tauriel! Tauriel!" Kili screams to me. "Hang on! I'm here!"

"Kili, don't you dare! Get out of here!" I yell back to him.

I can't die like this...not in front of him. I can't leave Middle Earth in the gut of a beast of darkness. I try to remember what I've learned from Galadriel. This creature is strong but stupid, it can be bested. I beat the tentacle with my fists but it's like a fly bumping into an elf's hand.

"You will not have her! You will not touch her!" The dwarves watch Kili in silence as he hacks at tentacles with every ounce of strength he has.

"Lad, it's too late", Balin calls sadly from the doorway.

"Who is she?" Logia whispers behind him.

"Just an elf", Balin says sadly, and not a soul believes him, "Just an elf."

The creature throws me in the air...Haldir shoots an arrow...the creature screams...Kili hacks and screams...and all I know is that I'm falling and falling for what seems like forever into blackness. I land and feel myself squeezed by tentacles, which I punch and claw.

"Stop!" I hear, "stop, it's me." Not tentacles...arms. "I've got you, I've got you, I've got you..." What he lacks in height, he makes up for in width, I really didn't know just how broad his shoulders were...broader than an elf's or even a man's. Being so very tall for a dwarf—5'3, maybe even 5'4, he carries me easily from the water, made stronger from pure adrenaline. I should tell him to put me down at once. Instead, I bury my face in his neck. For this moment, it's just the two of us, and no one can stop it, and no one change it. "I've got you, melamin", he whispers. Another word for "my love." "You just hold onto me."

He sits down on the beach, me his lap and we hold onto each other, while the others hack and shoot at the creature. "I've got you", he repeats. "I've got you..." He rocks me in his arms, and presses his forehead to mine, and everyone else disappears. "Let me see you, Tauriel, are you hurt? Do you hear me? Are you hurt?"

"No", I answer faintly and he crushes me to his chest.

Until I hear throats being cleared.

"She's all right, lad", Dwalin says, and offers me his hand.

"Kili", Balin begins, "Logia is quite shaken and in need of you. Kili? Kili? Kili!"

"The creature?" I squeak out, my voice lost to screaming.

"Disappeared under the water", Dwalin confirms. "I guess a dwarf and an elf was enough to fill its belly for the day", he spits.

I take Dwalin's hand and he helps me to my feet, but I immediately stumble.

"My ankle", I gasp, "I can't walk."

I'm off my feet and in Kili's arms again before I even finish the sentence. "Kili, no..." I insist.

"Don't be stupid! Dwarf!" Haldir hisses, jealous he was not the one to save the day, "You can't carry her! You're a midget!" He takes me from Kili.

"Oh go play your harp", Kili hisses, "There was another delicate blond princeling elf who thought he could control Tauriel, you don't see him around anymore, do you?"

"I'm neither delicate nor a princeling and I'd be happy to demonstrate it if you like", Haldir hisses.

"Fine by me", Kili spits.

"Stop! Put me down!", I order. Haldir puts me down, but links my arm around his neck.

"Lean on me, Tauriel", Haldir huffs.

"Just an elf, huh?" Logia comments, raising an eyebrow.

"Now she's just an elf", Balin says. "Everyone has a past, Lady Logia. Now we must get inside...and count our losses."

If looks could kill, Haldir would be dead. Kili is glaring at him as he helps me inside the mine.

"I'm so sorry", I say.

Ori, Dori, and Nori are crying. "Oin!"

"We've lost two of our party before we even begin", Balin points out.

"There will be a time to mourn Oin, but it is not now, our survival is what's important",Kili says. He's grown up while I wasn't watching. "WHERE are these dwarves we were promised, Logia?"

"Coming", she repeats, "I have no idea where they are, but they're coming. Honestly, Kili, I can't wave a wand and make them appear. You need a wizard."

"More than you know", Kili comments.

Just inside the mine is empty. Dusty and dirty, but no evidence orcs and goblins still live there. The dwarves won the last battle for Moria, though they lost the majority of their party and two kings in the process. They don't want a repeat.

"It looks as though Moria may be abandoned", Kili starts. "That would make this quest simpler than I feared."

"Yes, but it's a four day journey to the other side", Balin says. "We can't know anything yet for sure."

"I say we wait for Logia's kin", Dwalin comments, "We're all shaken and we have an elf who can't walk."

"I can make it", I say, "Don't wait for me."

"You won't risk yourself", Kili pronounces, and I nearly laugh. He's come to think he can give orders in the year he's been king. Ha ha. I suppose he can, at least to dwarves.

"We can't wait for them, we may be waiting days, or weeks, or months..." Logia comments and every head turns her way.

"Months?!", Dwalin shouts. "It's time to come clean, lass, this is a bride-price quest?"

"A what?" Kili asks, "What is that?"

Balin rubs his forehead. He had overlooked such a possibility. I don't know what a bride-price quest is either, but the older dwarves clearly do.

"It's...", Logia falters, "My father needed to know that Kili is worthy of me, he allowed me to pledge myself to Fili because he was of the line of Durin and so responsible, though he was never really happy about it. Kili is...Kili is...well you all know he's not his brother, he likes to have fun more than take things seriously...my father felt he needed to prove himself. If Kili can win back my family's homeland, he can have my hand in marriage."

"What on earth are you dwarves talking about?" Ildir shouts.

"It boils down to no help is coming", Dwalin says, almost amused.

"No help? Just the handful of us? You got an elf killed because we didn't have enough people and now you say you lied about help coming? The Lady will not stand for this!" Haldir shouts.

"Oh lass, you should have said something", Balin laments, "You have no idea the trouble you have caused us. The Lady Galadriel sent the number of elves she did based on the help we told her was coming...we cannot lie to our allies, lass, or they will no longer be allies."

"What of it?" Logia objects, "This is not an elf quest and never was, I don't even know why they're here, we asked for provisions, not help. If she loses kin, it is her own fault for interfering..."

"You will not speak about the Lady that way in my presence!" Haldir booms.

"She's right, no one asked you to get involved", Dori shouts back. They start bickering again like angry children.

"Stop", Ori wails, covering his ears with hands.

"If the Lady has your heads, you will have no one but yourself to blame!" Haldir insists.

"Our heads?! That skinny elf lady?" Logia yells.

"Shut up, dwarf!" Haldir loses his temper.

"You will not to speak to the Lady Logia that way!" Balin shouts.

"She will not and you know it", I correct Haldir, "And when have you not known her to be three steps ahead of everyone else? I venture to guess she knew no help wasn't coming. She could surely read Logia's mind."

"No one reads my mind!" the dwarfess objects. "Not that blonde elven queen either. I've heard a witch of great power rules those lands. That was her?"

"One more word about my Lady..." Haldir begins.

"And you'll do what? Elf?", Dwalin goads.

"Silence!" Kili shouts, and they all actually obey him. "We're lucky every orc in Middle Earth hasn't descended up on us!"

"Let me handle this, lad...", Balin begins.

"No!" Kili shouts, "No", he says more quietly, "I value your advice Balin, but this has to stop. I know none of you see me as a king, and the crown was never meant to come to me. You see me, Logia included, as an irresponsible screw-up, as a kid, and I know that's my fault and that's why we're in this situation right now, but that's not who I can be anymore. Either you can see me as your king or you can't. If you can't, find someone else. If you can, you will obey me henceforth, because I cannot any longer let my rule be challenged every time I open my mouth."

Dead silence.

"It's about bloody time", Dwalin drawls. He claps Kili on the back.

"My King", each of them says in turn, giving a little bow. Logia curtsies prettily and seems to appreciate his newfound forcefulness. But I know that's not Kili, that's not who he is.

Haldir helps me sit down. "Let's assess the supplies and tools we have left", Kili says, and Balin divides them into groups to go through everything.

Kili walks over to me and sits down while Logia glowers in the distance. "I hate this", he says.

"I know", I say, smiling.

"I don't want to be yelling at people and ordering them around, I want to be fishing and laughing with Fili in the Blue Mountains."

"I know."

"But I promised I would do this", he says, "I promised I would return her homeland to her, and I will see it through or die trying."

"I knew that too", I say.

"But when this is over, the one thing that will not have changed is that I will be my own man. I'm not going to hear any more about how to talk, or how to walk, or how to bow, or what to say, or whom to love. This isn't finished between us, Tauriel...not by a long shot." He walks away.

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR HOW LONG AN UPDATE IS TAKING ON THIS, I'M A GRAD STUDENT IN THE WEEDS OF THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY THESIS, SO THAT COMES FIRST, BUT I WILL GET BACK TO THIS


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